{sigh}

I am sitting here pondering the journey of motherhood. Why is it so hard? I expected it to be tough, but this is more then I could imagine and I know I have it easy compared to many. I love these kids with my whole heart and only want what is best for them, how come I can't tell if I am doing that or not. Rylie is turning 3 on Friday. Girl has given me a run for the money this week. I cant tell if she is acting out because she is tired, in need of attention, or just trying to figure stuff (being a kid) out. I just don't know how to do it. I just want to teach her the right way. I want the discipline I give her to be appropriate. I want her to understand when I tell her "leave the wrapping paper alone" she doesn't go behind my back 10 minutes later and use it anyway.I want to reward her for telling the truth but also give her a consequence for wrong choices. {again with the wrapping paper} I want her to understand I just want to teach her how to make good decisions. I want to not place my insecurities on her. I want to let her figure things out. I want to cry now. Sorry, that just came out.

I think, really, its all the above. Things have been tough with Wyatt getting hurt and older and cuter and walking and talking. The attention she gets is not what it used to be. She is almost 3. She goes to school with older kids and many times I have to remind myself, he's 5....she's 3, its ok. She is learning how to interact with other kids. This is where I think I place my insecurities on her the most. Not literally, but in my head I start worrying "for her" like "oh she isn't interacting, she's sad, do they like her?" She shows no signs of not being liked or getting along with other kids. She loves school and wants to go everyday! She is learning her boundaries and her independence. That's normal. She is going to not listen and test me I just have to stand my ground. She will learn not all choices are good choices. But its hard. I just want her to be has happy as can be. To be healthy and well rounded and liked and kind and so forth. She will always face battles and challenges, that is how God makes us who we are. Its just, as her mother, I just want them to be few and far between.

{big big sigh}

Thanks. I guess I just needed to vent. To get out my feelings as I sit here in silence and guestion making Rylie going to bed without a book for disobeying {again with the wrapping paper}. I know it sounds silly but it was jsut the tip of the iceberg...... Thanks for being such good people. I sure do love you!